#studypeople #compassion #eq

• Introverts: tend to expend energy in social situations.
• Extroverts: tend to draw energy from social interactions.
• Ambiverts: slip in and out of either mode.

Up to 2/3 of the entire world population is “ambiverted” leaving as little as 1/3 true introverts or extroverts. Consider that extroverts often end up being the most “visible” people around us because by definition they are more often speaking up in crowds or putting themselves on social media, movies, TV, etc. Because we happen to experience them more often in roles we deem “successful” we might mistakenly assume their traits are “more successful” and thus “more desirable”. Or at least I did for much of my life.

Understanding and accepting the nature of the people you interact with is an important skill to learn. However you personally identify, it would be helpful for you to spend some time understanding this “dimension” of humanity so that you can be more aware and sensitive to the needs of those around you.

There is no “right” way to be. There are advantages and disadvantages to every personality type. Expecting someone to act in one certain way is an incredibly limiting worldview. If social situations are draining and challenging for you, that is perfectly fine. Extroverts have their own challenges.

Though many introverts do prefer to avoid or limit social interaction, others embrace it as a strength. There are many examples of successful leaders who happen to be introverts. Just because it might be challenging doesn’t mean it is a handicap… it actually can be leveraged as an advantage.

In order to understand and thus empathize…

• Try googling Introvert v Extrovert and Advantages of Introvert
• Take the Myers Briggs test to understand yourself better. Know that you will change as you grow and mature.
• Read the book Quiet by Susan Caine and visit her site Quiet Revolution
• Watch her TED talk:

Personally, I grew up as an introvert but unfortunately didn’t accept that this was “ok”. I was petrified of social interaction whether with an individual or group and I hated myself for it.

Over time, I taught myself techniques that helped me interact with others. I continued to collect more life experiences and ideas to discuss. I also realized that it’s ok to not be an extrovert. Things got less scary and I now embrace that I’m an ambivert who often looks forward to social interaction. I also embrace that it’s perfectly fine for social situations to be draining for myself and others.

For some of us, truly appreciating ourselves and others is a lifelong journey!

During an interview with State Farm insurance when I was 21, I was halfway into my answer when I forgot the question. In a panic, my thoughts wandered from “what was the original question?” to “I’m such an idiot, I can’t believe this is happening! I shouldn’t be here.” My words trailed off and neither I nor the interviewer addressed what happened. I choked. The interview quickly wrapped up and, needless to say, I didn’t get the job. I was mortified of my performance and took many years to fully appreciate the lessons being learned.

And there are SO many lessons here:

1. Self-loathing (the underlying feeling that we are just not good) impedes growth and ultimately is a “self-fulfilling prophecy”. Until you learn to love yourself as you are now, knowing that you will continue to learn, grow, and get better, this negative self-talk can sabotage important events. At best, I would have remembered the question had I not beat myself up. At the least, I wouldn’t have fretted so much about my performance.
2. We are not inherently skilled – we have to prepare and practice. This was my first professional interview, and I hadn’t prepared or practiced at all! Of course it went poorly!! Our brain is like a muscle that must be exercised and trained; we need to teach it to keep the question in mind as we search for a meaningful answer.
3. Forgive yourself and accept the embarrassment. Muster the courage to simply admit that you made a mistake. Look them in the eye and say “I’m sorry, can you remind me of the question again?”. Maybe even laugh about it so they know you don’t always take yourself too seriously. This could be an opportunity for them to see how secure you are with being a fallible human being who has the will to forge on.
4. Confidence and ability come from lessons learned through both success and failure. I would argue that failure is a necessary part of the learning process that should be embraced and even sought out. Expose yourself to failure early and often. Software developers build this expectation into their process… they want the software to fail in a safe environment in order to find and correct the bugs they assume must exist (before customers find them).
5. Confidence and ability can also come from simply letting go of the expectation of perfection and embracing that you might just be on the front end of a steep learning curve!

Ok guys… how do you “get” a girl?

To many people, the word “get” means to “acquire”. But I’m hoping you can do better. Another definition of “get” can be “to understand”.

Getting a girl can mean “getting” how she feels. This can mean having empathy for what she wants from you… from life… from herself.

It can mean recognizing that historically women have not been given the same privileges and opportunities as men. And while the world is currently changing, we have not yet come far enough. Still today they can face discrimination and uphill battles.

It can mean getting that she might have experienced physical and/or mental abuse that shapes her perspective. Perhaps she has not been listened to or taken seriously. In response, she might feel anger, embarrassment, cynicism or any other coping mechanism.

Listen. Be inquisitive. Put yourself in her shoes. Only then can you “get” a girl… along with her trust and respect.

And finally, after all this good work, it also can mean that you don’t condone demeaning language or behavior from the men around you. It’s worth the effort to be a good person.